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Through her writing she realised she was carrying the role of wife and mother on for longer than was necessary. She had always cooked the dinner and done the washing up. However, she had done this doe 30 years. Now her children were older, she was tired of this part of her role. With gentle assertiveness, she and her family came to a new arrangement. If one person cooked, the others had to do the washing up. She was happy to cook, but she resented the way the family all watched TV and she had to try to clean the kitchen while the advertisements were on. She also had another win with the new regime. She also resented watching murder mysteries every night. The images of horror disturbed her. Now she could enjoy the meal and then sidle off to a warm relaxing bath. And then do her journal writing. What was the lowest point of her day became the highlight of her day. Interestingly, she suffered from asthma, which had been getting worse over time. However, her asthma started to ease off. She wrote a wonderful piece about how she was convinced that the mind influenced the body.
I could not wait to get out of home. I had a mother who was always the center of attention. No matter what I did, she could do it better. She was a class act, and everyone watched her. She was the show pony and there was no room for me or anyone else. I thought that was how I was supposed to act. Until in high school, the kids there let me know that was not acceptable. My confidence was shattered and I became a recluse. I would spend most lunch time, in the library, reading. I believed that I was thoroughly unlovable and that I was unworthy. Years later, I came across an article on the narcissistic personality – and I was reading about her. That was when a light went on for me. I realized I had some negative beliefs that I wanted to sort out. I took up journal writing. Suddenly, I had a way to understand what had happened to me. Better still, I had a way to fix the problem. If only I had known in my school years what I know now. I tend to write last thing at night. It helps me download my day, so I can sleep at night. I have noticed that I don’t get nearly as many nightmares as I used to.
I actually enjoy being a mother and a wife. I must do because I had four children! But I used to want to be perfect, the perfect mother, the perfect wife. Through my journal writing, I discovered that I don’t have to be perfect. Actually it was in one of my writing classes that another woman made this insight. Once I heard that I knew that was right for me too. It is amazing how many insights you can get from a writing class like this. So once I knew that was right I started writing about it for me, and I got a whole lot of other insights – one after the other. Funny how you can hear something that rings true for you. That is what happened to me. I just picked up that thread and kept writing. Such a revelation!! Such a relief!